Endings

I have been meaning to write this post for a couple of weeks now but it is a difficult one to write. I am facing a lot of endings right now and it's been difficult.

The first ending was the one to my trip.  It ended way too soon and I really wish we could have gone for longer and further. Right now I am back in BC and missing the tent.  The outdoors, the freedom and the family time that we are no longer having is what I am missing (not the bugs)  I fully plan on making that trip to NFLD next year and really hope it happens.

The second ending I will face is on August 14th when my cherished daughter (now 16) goes back to live with her father in Ontario.  It rips my heart out every time this happens.  I don't talk about it much but it hurt SO much when she chose to go across the country to live there instead of here with me.  I miss her everyday and wish things had turned out differently.

The third ending I will face is the day after when I leave BC and head for Nunavut.  Normally I would be excited about this but because of recent circumstances I am finding this hard.  I will talk about those circumstances in a moment.  The ending to southern life is bitter sweet.  On one hand, I am leaving the rat race, the rude people that I encounter here in BC who are reacting to being afraid of other people all the time, the consumerism that I have been caught up in, the high price of living and low wages (comparitively speaking), THE RAIN, and the lack of quiet and solitude.  On the other hand, I am also leaving a place where I can: use my cell phone, buy a coffee at a coffee shop, pay less for almost everything (compared to Nunavut), buy almost anything I want, go for a run at any time of year, spend time with family, and go skiing and swimming in the ocean on the same day(not that I ever actually DID that but I COULD). So leaving is bitter sweet when it comes to things I am giving up vs things I wont miss.  I am excited about Nunavut because I know how peaceful it is in the far north. I know I will encounter people who are more like me, adventurous, brave, and with a different life view. I will also be around Inuit again and I really miss them.  I kind of regret not going to Nunavik (northern Quebec) for several reasons too although by the time I decided to go north again they had already done their hiring for the year.

Ok, now for the final ending that I am having the most time talking about: my father.  He is very very ill.  When I decided to go north again he seemed to be getting better but now it is quite clear that he is going to die. Soon.  I cannot even begin to express how bereft, guilty, sad, and desperate I feel about this.  I wish with all my heart I had chosen to wait another year so I could be here for the final days and then for my mother afterwards.  In two weeks when I get on the airplane I will be saying goodbye to my father for the final time and I cannot bear even talking about it.  Not only will I never see him again, I will also not be present for his funeral because when it happens I will likely just have arrived in Nunavut and will be unable to leave.  I am staying in my parent's house right now and the sadness here is palpable.  It is a weight.  My father has begun to give his possessions away because he now accepts that he is dying. (he was denying it for a long time, hanging onto hope that he could beat the cancer).  Last night he gave his only winter hat to my son so that Brogan could be warm.  The symbolic nature of this gift was heart breaking because it means he doesnt think he will be here for the winter.  My mother is trying to be brave about it and doesnt really talk about how she feels but I see the pain in her eyes and the weight of sadness on her and I wish I could stay and help her after he passes.  My brother is leaving as well (moving to northern BC) and she is going to lose everyone at the same time.  It seems so cruel.

I don't know what else to say about all of these endings.  I would be so excited for my new adventure if things were different right now.  As it stands today, I wish I had made different choices in the last few months because this is very painful.

Kimmirut, Nunavut

Well, three interviews later and I have been offered (and have accepted) a teaching position in Kimmirut, Nunavut. Kimmirut (formerly Lake Harbour) is in southern Baffin Island. It is an Inuit village of 411 people and is half an hour from Iqualuit by plane. They have the shortest runway in Nunavut and are only serviced by Twin Otter planes. Will be an interesting experience.
One of the things that impressed me about Kimmirut, aside from the fact that they wanted to hire me so obviously have excellent taste in teachers (kidding!) is that the principal reserved a spot for me at the daycare so that I was certain to have childcare when I got there. I thought that was an 'above and beyond' moment and I really appreciated it. It also reminded me that in small places like that, people are nice to each other without any ulterior motives. I missed that, living here in the Lower Mainland of BC, where people would probably walk over you if they saw you dying in the street.
So I am Kimmirut-bound in August! I will finally be a resident of the north again and will, at long last, get to see Nunavut. Before that, of course, I will be having my summer-long camping trip. I was planning on going across all of Canada to Newfoundland but now I will probably only make it as far as Manitoba. My sister has moved up the date to her wedding because my father is so desperately ill and she wants him to be able to attend. At this point, it is doubtful that he will be able to live through the summer and has decided to discontinue chemotherapy treatment because that is making him feel so awful all the time.
I will be blogging about our trip and look forward to the adventures ahead!

Disappointment and hope

Well I got the all important call/email that let me know my resume is competitive.  Whew!  It was from a school in Arctic Bay and the principal has an impressive resume of his own, including a teaching award for science teaching (intimidating!).  I was being interviewed for a science/math position. I was really excited about the idea of going to such a great place.

The interview went REALLY well. It was over an hour long and they asked extra questions after they were done the 13 they had planned, which I was being graded on.  However, at the end I mentioned that I was a single parent and then everything fell apart because THEY DON'T HAVE DAYCARE THERE.  Honestly, it was a problem I hadn't even considered.  I knew there might not be room in a daycare but never thought there might not actually be one.  So the interview ended with them being disappointed and me being disappointed and I'm sad that I wont be able to work with such an amazing, successful person.

That being said, I got another email today from Pangnirtung and they want an interview as well.  I feel a little better about being able to pass an interview now but still worry about the daycare issue in Nunavut.  Hopefully it's not all communities.  I did check out whether or not there was a daycare there and it seems like there is so that's hopeful.  As long as the daycare has room, I should be OK.

So I'm packing to go on my Crazy Cross-Canada Camping Trip, selling my stuff, and hoping SO MUCH that the right call, the right interview, will come before the end of the year. I would hate to have to give my month's notice in the middle of the summer to my principal now. She is so amazing and I respect her and don't wish to make her job more difficult.

Plans and hopes

I have been meaning to write in this blog since December!

Well I suppose a lot has changed since December.  I lost a boyfriend and gained a few friends. I was informed of an obstacle to going overseas that I had not anticipated regarding my son.  It's an obstacle that will take time and money to overcome. I have a few more months of experience in teaching at the aboriginal school I have been teaching at since August.  I have taught things I knew nothing about at the end of the year and have IMMENSELY enjoyed learning the new things. I have learned to be a runner and ran the Vancouver Sun Run and more recently, the Run for Water (10k)

A lot of things have stayed the same too.  My father is still very ill and is now progressively been getting worse.  I still hate rain and the place I grew up, regardless of all the things I have done to overcome this dislike.  I still have wanderlust and am constantly looking OUT instead of enjoying what is here and now. 

Some decisions I have made since December: 1) Life is too short to stay in one spot for another year. So I may not be able to go overseas next year but I certainly do not have to stay here.  I have been applying at jobs in the Arctic part of Canada as well as several jobs in the far eastern parts, Labrador. 2) I have stayed here far too long. It is disturbing that I feel like continuing on the highway OUT of BC everyday I have to drive in to work. So I have decided to do something about that this summer.  3) Stuff weighs you down so I need to get rid of most of my stuff.

My children and I are going on a two month camping trip come July.  We are starting out in BC and meandering our way around Canada, wherever we feel like going, whenever we feel like going there.  My daughter is coming out from Ontario and driving with us. We have tents. Will travel. Can't wait.

I am selling most of our stuff and have already given notice at my apartment.  I will have boxes in storage of things like photo albums and books I cannot part with but everything else is going to be gone. We will be sans 'stuff' soon. It's terrifying.

I am hoping SO MUCH to be able to go elsewhere next September.  Hopefully I hear from a school board in the north soon or it may be too late.  The thought of staying here another year is suffocating.  I love my job here but the rain and other things about British Columbia has become toxic for me. I need to leave.

I will try very hard to keep this blog up more often. I would like to write about my cross country trip and have a few other things to say about teaching in an aboriginal school in BC.  Attendance issues and technology debates are coming up!

Oh, the Fates are mean!

I haven't been entirely sure how to write this post.  The past two weeks have been difficult.

First let me say that I make my future plans with the best of intentions. I fully plan on following through and am not nearly as wishy-washy as I must appear.  However, things change so fast in my life that I cannot keep up sometimes. Does this happen to everyone?

Last I wrote about going up North again and re-experiencing the Arctic tundra in an Inuit village. Since that day I have found out that my father, who lives close to me now, has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  The doctor says that he likely has four to six months to live and if the treatment goes well, then maybe a year and super optimistically, two years.

The receiving of news like that is too personal to delve into.  Suffice it to say that I need to be near my family for the next year or two and my plans will be on hold.

Another day I will speak about teaching here in BC. This place is as interesting as the next and I have not given enough credit to it. 

So! New plan!  Golda is staying here in BC, hoping to recieve another teaching contract in the same school for next year.

Bullying in schools

I was trying to make a new page labeled "Parenting" and was hoping to post this under that title but I have not figured out how to do that yet. So everyone is treated to the same post.

I wanted to talk about the bullying I refered to before. Partially because someone commented on it on Google + and because it deserves closer examination.

I mentioned in a previous post that I ultimately left the Arctic because my daughter had been bullied in the small village we lived in for two years. It's true and it was one of the worst things I have had to experience. The feeling of helplessness that a parent experiences when her child is bullied is profound.  As a result of that experience one of the first things I do as a teacher now is make clear that bullying will not be acceptable in my classroom in any form. I outline what bullying looks like in a classroom and what the consequences will be if it occurs in my own class.  Every year. With every student. Because I believe talking about it will help. I even go into why it is so important to me and why it can never be 'okay' to bully.  So now I will tell you:

I do not think there is a great deal of difference between bullying in a regular mainstream class and bullying for racial reasons in a Northern classroom against a 'quallunaat' child.  Both are done to children who are a minority in some way and both are done to children who cannot change the 'way they are' in order to suit some vague ideal of normal that the children have decided is acceptable. That being said, I am trying to say that racism and cultural misunderstandings were the reason my daughter was bullied but she could not change being a Quallunaat any more than a child can change being overweight, weird,  different, an outsider, or the other million justifications that people use to feel better about what they are doing/allowing. The end result is the same: feelings of helplessness and worthlessness on the part of the bullied child. Feelings of power over the bullied by the bullies and the bystanders. And a feeling of helplessness by absolutely everyone else who is involved; including administrators who rarely know what to do, teachers who feel powerless to stop it and parents who are heartbroken over it when their child is the one that is being victimized.

I know what happens at this point in the conversation. Since we all don't quite know what to do about bullying in the classroom and at school, we start to shut it out and say 'Well she turned out alright in the end' and "things turned around eventually so it's alright."  It is NOT alright. My daughter was suicidal when she left that small village. I had to fly her out in an emergency flight in order to save her life because the kids up there had managed to erode her self worth so much that she didnt think she deserved to live anymore. She was nine years old. She was still in counselling and therapy at 13 years old for depression caused by low self worth issues.  It is NEVER alright to allow children to bully one another!

When it was happening, one of the teachers who had been on supervision told me that my daughter should 'get tougher if she wants to stay in the north'.  The principal told me that it was her own fault because she 'refused' to change. (Being a Quallunaat child, she should have changed her own cultural glasses in order to fit in, I suppose)  I only share this with you because it's what parents come up against sometimes when their child is being bullied. Denial and pointing blame at the victim. My daughter was afraid to tell me for months while it was happening because she thought it would get worse if she told. And she was right, it did get worse.

My daughter left to live with her father from November to June while I stayed in the Arctic to finish out my contract with the school board.  In that 6 heart-breaking months without her, I decided to make good use of my time. I quit smoking (a personal goal I had not been able to reach before this time) and I started a committee to inform and educate everyone on what to DO when a child is being bullied. I got federal funding for the committee, filled out a million papers, got teachers, the principal, th e youth center, social workers, and police involved and we talked about how to build a more positive atmosphere in the school and community. We created a 'bully court' where the kids were the judges and juries and bullies were brought before the court to defend themselves. We talked about creating projects where people had to work together in order to learn to get along.  I really hope my work there on the Aragutaq (meaning Rainbow) Committee did some good. I know it helped me understand what to do when the bully was in my classroom.

Share your thoughts on bullying if you wish.

Going to Umiujaq

To continue with my story:

After a lot of packing and moving things (and getting married), I headed up to Nunavik in the northern part of Quebec.  The school board I had chosen operated 14 communities up on the Arctic tundra and all of them were fly-in only.  The village I had been assigned to was Umiujaq, a village of about 350 people.  Before I went there, I was sent to an orientation in Inukjuaq, a village just north of Umiujaq.

When I arrived, all the teachers were picked up from the airport in a bus and our luggage was picked up by a pick up truck. From there we were all driven to our homes for the week. Some got to stay in a hotel and others were placed with Inuit families for a week so that we could fully understand how the Inuit lived before we arrived at our home communities. I was placed with a lovely Inuit couple who were the Christian ministers for the Hudson Bay communities.  They were very nice to us (there were two teachers assigned to the same house) and let us ask them a million questions, shared their food and home with us. They also took us on several excursions around Inukjuaq where we could appreciate how beautiful it was up there.

The orientation was interesting although incredibly long.  We learned about the Inuttitut alphabet, the Inuit culture, some of the challenges we may face as new teachers and we were given lessons about the KSB curriculum.  Back at the home I was staying in, they were eating raw meat, skinning seal skins, going out to the camping tent and doing other cultural stuff with us.  Unfortunately, the other teacher who was with me in that house was quite horrified by a lot of what we saw and decided to return to the south to get a different teaching job. That happens a lot up there and after some perspective, I suppose it is better that she left then instead of after beginning her teaching position when it would just make the students more cynical about the weak character of "Qualunaat" (that's what they call us, it means "outsiders"). At the time I was very surprised and felt a jolt of superiority that I was tougher.

After arrival in Umiujaq, we were shown our new homes (which were very nice) and escorted to the two stores in the village where we could purchase food. The first thing one notices is how very FEW items there are to purchase. There is no fresh milk, only the packaged kind that does not go bad outside of the fridge (which I had never even HEARD of before). Items are very expensive, a jug of water was $7 and there are few fresh veggies and no fresh meat. I felt a sense of adventure from all of these things but a few people felt that these were intense challenges to over come.

An interesting thing happens when you are in the north: in the first year you start to long intensely for the things you cannot get that you were used to buying in the south. Mine was a particular type of coffee cream, the wine that I used to enjoy, and Tim Hortons coffee.  You can start to obsess about how to get these things and spend tons of money trying to replace them. However, if you stay long enough (the second year for me), you start to let go of those things you thought were so important and start to  'make do' with what is available.   You start to wonder why they were so important. After years of perspective I have discovered that it was probably part of culture shock and that over time, it passes. You even laugh about how silly it was and some of the most interesting conversations are started on the planes down to the south where you talk to strangers about the 'one thing' they missed the most. It's fun!  :)  We talk about how we are going to have a 'double double' as soon as the plane lands. Or McDonald's, or a beer.  It's one of the things you miss when you leave, a feeling of belonging to something bigger, a team of people who are working toward the same goal who have the same type of adventurous character as yourself.  It is an amazing thing, to belong to such a great community of teachers. police, nurses and social workers who are there to learn from the same amazing culture and people.