Calgary and the Stampede

I can't believe we only arrived here in Calgary yesterday. Right now it seems like we have been here for a long time. I actually found a campground that had a spot for our tent. I thought that was rather miraculous since the Stampede is going on and all. However, the spot we have is up at the top of the campground, making it a long walk anywhere. It's also mostly amongst RVs AND we had a few partying neighbours last night. Apparently the cheaper booze here in this place makes for a good party atmosphere.

I have been pondering a lot how it was to move to Calgary all those years ago. When I was here before I had just left my first husband and moved here to get away from everything. Parents, overly controlling relgion and husband and all the trappings of the life I was supposed to want but really didn't. I came here and experienced freedom for the first time, packing up what I could fit in my car and moving to a small house in SouthWest Calgary without a job or a clue of how to get one. I did get one, and a girl I worked with in BC decided to come with me so I had a roommate as well. It was all very exciting. We were dirt poor while I was here. Rent was high (ish) and minimum wage was only $5/hour. I remember once not being able to afford food because I needed the money for gasoline for the car if I wanted to get to work. I didnt have many coping skills for poverty. I didnt even think to visit a soup kitchen or anything like that so I just went hungry for awhile. It made me super careful not to ever let my cupboards get bare though!

So I moved here and remember feeling so HAPPY for the first time. I sat in my little living room the first week (alone because the roommate came later) and just enjoyed the feeling of not having to conform to anyone else's ideas for the very first time ever. I drove around Calgary just to experience it, got lost, met new people and life was just a huge, open highway of hope and promise. It was amazing. I vividly remember knowing that I had made the right choice, no matter what.

Last night I sat and looked out at the city lights, remembering these things and being glad I took the path I did. I understand that most people love or need that conventional life with the picket fence, the husband, the 25 year marriage. I just dont think it FIT me and even though I knew it all the way back when I was 21 and getting divorced for the first time, I didnt really realize that it would never be me until now. I have tried to fit it. I got into relationships that could have worked. I had the children (and am VERY glad I did), I bought the house and worked hard. But it doesnt fit, it just doesnt. I get this incredibly strong itch to break the mold, to become something different, to be somewhere else and I eventually have to do it no matter how much I wanted to conform so I finally decided to just be me and stop trying to be someone else.

Ok...so back to the Stampede. It was not what I expected at all. I can't say I was disappointed but I wasn't thrilled either. There were a lot of rides, it was very expensive, a LOT of people, VERY hot and a lot of vendors. I was hoping to taste some amazing steaks at the very least but the steak sandwiches were kinda blah and I have tasted better in Northern Ontario. So I don't know if I would come back to it again but glad I finally did it.

So tomorrow we are heading north to near Edmonton to stay at a cabin with a friend and colleague who invited us. Sounds like a peaceful little place and I am looking forward to it. For some reason, the usual gregarious Golda is not having much luck meeting new people this trip. Maybe it's the scowl on my face from tent camping at cramped and overly strict campgrounds? Or the hours of driving that leave me crabby and hard to like? I dont know but it hasn't quite clicked as much as I had hoped. However, the kids are having fun I think. I am very glad my daughter is here because I think 24/7 with the little guy with no break would have been too hard even for me.

Well...I promised to go swimming with them so I should get off of here before I have to pick up the dog. I will say one thing: Doggy daycare is an AWESOME idea. Thank you to the doggy daycares out there!!

Until the next wifi...

Plans and hopes

I have been meaning to write in this blog since December!

Well I suppose a lot has changed since December.  I lost a boyfriend and gained a few friends. I was informed of an obstacle to going overseas that I had not anticipated regarding my son.  It's an obstacle that will take time and money to overcome. I have a few more months of experience in teaching at the aboriginal school I have been teaching at since August.  I have taught things I knew nothing about at the end of the year and have IMMENSELY enjoyed learning the new things. I have learned to be a runner and ran the Vancouver Sun Run and more recently, the Run for Water (10k)

A lot of things have stayed the same too.  My father is still very ill and is now progressively been getting worse.  I still hate rain and the place I grew up, regardless of all the things I have done to overcome this dislike.  I still have wanderlust and am constantly looking OUT instead of enjoying what is here and now. 

Some decisions I have made since December: 1) Life is too short to stay in one spot for another year. So I may not be able to go overseas next year but I certainly do not have to stay here.  I have been applying at jobs in the Arctic part of Canada as well as several jobs in the far eastern parts, Labrador. 2) I have stayed here far too long. It is disturbing that I feel like continuing on the highway OUT of BC everyday I have to drive in to work. So I have decided to do something about that this summer.  3) Stuff weighs you down so I need to get rid of most of my stuff.

My children and I are going on a two month camping trip come July.  We are starting out in BC and meandering our way around Canada, wherever we feel like going, whenever we feel like going there.  My daughter is coming out from Ontario and driving with us. We have tents. Will travel. Can't wait.

I am selling most of our stuff and have already given notice at my apartment.  I will have boxes in storage of things like photo albums and books I cannot part with but everything else is going to be gone. We will be sans 'stuff' soon. It's terrifying.

I am hoping SO MUCH to be able to go elsewhere next September.  Hopefully I hear from a school board in the north soon or it may be too late.  The thought of staying here another year is suffocating.  I love my job here but the rain and other things about British Columbia has become toxic for me. I need to leave.

I will try very hard to keep this blog up more often. I would like to write about my cross country trip and have a few other things to say about teaching in an aboriginal school in BC.  Attendance issues and technology debates are coming up!